I'm re-reading Changing for Good, an excellent model of the psychology of change. It notes that personal change often looks like a spiral, with a move forward/upward followed by a regression.

That might be a fancy of saying "two steps forward, one step back."  It also begs the question, does behavior follow changing thought, or does changing thought follow behavior? 

A therapist will tell you both are valid ways to change -- feelings might follow behavior, for example,…

At first glance, a competitive family seems exciting: everyone working hard to top each other, or achieving greater and greater things. You'll sometimes see the competition for attention or status in conversation:

• Interrupting each other
• Having the last word (often unconsciously -- just with a sound of assent)
• Put-down humor
• Vocabulary tricks - using a "big word" or a slang term for status

On the more caustic side, you'll see it…

To paraphrase a Buddhist saying: 

"Trying to lose anger by yelling is like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it."

I get a lot of support from other people, and this is a good time of year to show gratitude:

- It goes without saying (but I'll say it) - thanks to my incredible wife,

- To my siblings and mother, who have supported my decisions as a parent even while enduring disappoints and shock,

- To my friends from church, who have never lost hope, and even when they didn't understand a situation, said they hope my family and I can heal someday,

- To scores of therapists,…